Wiccanlevi, 32

Life's a puzzle, you'll never figure out. Until I had just turned 17, I claimed christianity. It was all I had been exposed to, and was all I really knew anything about, but when I turned 17 I decided to take a look around. There were always things about christianity that bothered me deeply, and I couldn't force myself to overlook these select things to be able to move forward in my "faith" if you can even call it that. I started studying Wicca and it blew my mind how much it just seemed perfect for me. I still go to the youth group I attended as a christian, although they all know I'm Wiccan now. The youth pastor is always on my case more so than anyone to come back, because they all love my company there. I just recently performed my self-dedication (on the winter solstice of 2010), and have a new outlook on life. I've been through bad relationships and bad friendships, been through the deception, the lies, and the deceit, so please only talk to me if you're a genuine person. I'm tired of the fakes, and simply want someone who I can be myself with, and who is willing to be who THEY ARE AT HEART around me. One thing that will piss me off more than anything is if you try and be who I want you to be. Be who YOU are, and if I don't like you....F**K me! That's how I feel at this point, I would be willing to change certain things about me, but I'll never change who I am at the core for anyone, regardless. I am who I am, and I'm happy with it, and I only want people who feel the same. Most of all, I'm just sick of hopelessness. My best friend asked me the day I typed this "What are you doing with your life, bro? What does your life consist of any? Do you have hope, or happiness, or anything worth living for?" I thought for a moment, and simply replied "Not for a while." He didn't know how to respond and said "Then why are you even alive?" My reply being, "Because if I kill myself now the world wins, and after all the times I've came out on top, that can't happen." )0( Lo